Thursday, June 17, 2010
Big Tent Poetry Prompt: Wordle
Out Of The Darkness
It's a night of dark shadows
and dull stars. The man
in the apartment next door coughs
violently, harsh, strangling sounds
that drill through the walls.
She resents him for waking her.
Angry and hungry,
she pads to the kitchen
for a glass of warm milk;
locates a box of saltines,
breaks them into equal parts.
Unsettled and anxious, she wishes Eddie
was here to comfort her, remembers
thoughts like that are counterproductive,
even dangerous, silently praises Dr. Goodman
for helping her find her way back.
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15 comments:
Oh Marianne, What a lovely story your poem presents. Sad, yes, the realities of life can be harsh, but she's on the mend. Wonderful take on the prompt. Well crafted and hopeful.
Marianne
you created an interesting story here.
good work!
Pamela
Dr. Goodman. Is he like Dr. Phil? Ha :)
I like this poem.I can empathise with the apartment living sounds and raiding the kitchen cupboard except I can't find praise Dr. Phil.
Seems like a whole story in absorbing verse. Very nice.
wonderful mood piece.
somehow, though, I don't trust that doctor.
The last two lines hint at something painful and darker...a short stint in a mental health facility? A suicide attempt? A nervous breakdown? Therapy after losing a less-than-ideal lover? We don't know. Your poem reveals so much in that small moment, yet holds enough back to make us wonder...but we still understand that she is trying to be strong. Very well done.
-Nicole
great character glimpses here, and especially interesting b/c you gave them names!
An enjoyable story, if not for the narrator. I like how the last line circles back to the title.
You wove those words into quite a story.
What a great story you got with the words. Well done! I particularly like this line:
sounds
that drill through the walls.
http://thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com
It's fascinating how quickly an entire world is built in such a short scene. Names & details bring it!
I really enjoy little "slice of life" story poems, and this one is no exception! Each minute detail brings the scene into sharper, more realistic focus. Great!
I missed this on my first trawl through the posts, but just found your name on my scribble pad - jotted down when I went to cook. Am I glad I went back to it! A gem of a poem, technically very good, and brings to life a very real scenario. Thankyou.
ViV
Ah, I love this. It's full and rich.
you've created a really touching scene here with very few words. wonderful -- and now I've got them in my head wondering what's to come next!
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